don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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