it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Randomize
