We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
