Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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