did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
