those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
