fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
