I love black thongs
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
