I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
high people should be assigned attendants
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
