next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i now understand why vodka
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
