that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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