I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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