the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
