There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
