ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
