Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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