What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm too high and old for this...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
