i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
