It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
