Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
