my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
