not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
