so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I will pee on everything he values.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
