I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
