Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
