she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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