I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
