we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
