You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
