just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
as a side note pls kill me
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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