I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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