we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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