They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
