I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
