you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
