Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
