my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
