she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
