There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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