I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
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at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
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Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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