Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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