this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
