I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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