Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just pee around me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
