How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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