I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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