Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
