Dual....:-)
Just cropdusted the office
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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