wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
