All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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