He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I want to walk on stilts...naked
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
whose parrot is this?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
