a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
