I murdered the dance floor call the cops
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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