I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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