On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just saw a hot homeless man
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
