You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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