im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Your penis caused this!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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