Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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