His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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