Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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